It's missing everybody hour! I can't sleep because I keep picturing memories with people I don't know anymore, along with memories that I've created in my own head to place on the growing pile of ash that's left of them. I actually haven't really been able to sleep lately, even though I feel tired. I keep listening to music that reminds me of the past and looking at old photos of me and of old friends. It's not as though I want to go back to those moments. I just can't stop thinking about them. Sometimes I feel regret, but mostly my mind is just stuck on these random memories. I feel like I am a victim of my own dreams and reminiscence. Every night I try to imagine the same scenarios before I go to sleep, but my mind keeps pulling me back to pools of retrospect for me to explore over and over. I don't know how I'm meant to fall asleep because when I'm left in the sensory deprivation of night, I find myself in the same places I always manage to find my way back to. My hair's grown longer, I've read more books, I have more friends, I've tried more foods, I've watched more movies and listened to more music, I've found new things to write about, and I've visited new places, but I've stayed the same. It seems as though you are continuing to grow older, while I remain 15 forever. At least that's what I think, since I haven't spoken to you since September.
I have become one of those people who cannot sleep. This has never been an issue for me, but for every single night that I can remember during this month, I have not been able to sleep as quickly as I used to at night. I can sleep just fine in the afternoon, but there is something about the night that resurfaces every little thing I am irritated about or trying to repress. It is curently 1AM. Yesterday I caught up with a friend I haven't spoken to properly in a while. It made me happy to talk to her again. We never had any issues, we just sort of drifted apart. We were talking about how we both have never had a job and wouldn't know what to put on our resumes if we were to get one. I also explained how I am wary about moving from home so soon after graduation because I lack some necessary life skills. We talked about how maybe we could try to get a part time job together after high school. That was reassuring because I always feel so incompetent when my other friends are talking about their jobs, but I don't need the money and I am too invested in my studies. It is always nice to know you are not the only one. Unless you have an individuality complex.